Anaconda –Trickiest Trilogy Ever

They made four Anaconda movies, all featuring a big snake, sometimes gentically altered, and always hungry for human-sized prey.  But only three involved celebrities.  Why?  Well, here is a sneak peek at the inner workings of the film industry:

Ever since celebrities J-Lo, John Voight, and Ice Cube blew up theaters with 1997’s Anaconda, producers have wondered, “How can we turn this thing into a trilogy?”

Answer: Get more celebrities!

But after seeing the first Anaconda, celebrities weren’t convinced. After all, the snake was dead. How could there be another snake? It just wouldn’t make sense.

So, producers made an unofficial sequel entitled Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid without the help of any celebrities.  (Nothing against the fine actors who starred in this film; you are all totally wonderful and may you continue to achieve awesome success).

After the Anacondas movie, celebrities came back in pairs. David Hasselhoff and John Rhys-Davies were on board to round off the final two movies, both of which were now officially numerically entitled  . . .  Anaconda 3 and Anaconda 4: Trail of Blood.

So, if we exclude Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid as a kind of booby trap made to re-attract celebrities, Anaconda 1, 3, and 4 will altogether become the trickiest trilogy ever!

[Pictured here is John Rhys-Davies, the bearded buddy Sala from Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark.  He played in Anaconda 3 and 4, as a millionaire who spends his time financing the genetic alteration of anacondas … and also reading silently from big, thick books (the dictionary?) while standing at a podium.

MOVIE UPDATE:  After this review was written, Andaconda 4: Trail of Blood has now officially been renamed to Anacondas: Trail of Blood.