Copperhead – a snakebit movie review

“Cowboys battle copperhead swarm.”

That’s how a movie guide might summarize 2008’s Copperhead.   It’s Cowboys versus Copperheads … nature’s … um … Cowboy Killing Machines.  For a breif instant we get a bit of realism: a computerized animation of a one-toothed snake.  Apparently, somebody behind the scenes was aware that copperheads sometimes lose their fangs after biting a victim, and that they can replace their fangs up to four times a year.

But that’s it for realism. The rest is pure fantasy.

Snakes slithering up walls (in order to surprise victims by plopping down from rafters and rooftops) … cowboys doing a snake-dance while holding bundles of sensitive nitroglycerin … a big something at the end of the movie (which will not be described here, for anti-spoiler reasons) … and a Gatling gun that shoots both bullets and harpoons.

And be on the lookout for the sheriff. He hides from bullies. Yet he picks on heroes who are trying to uphold the law. He’s real handy with making  wanted posters. 

Most enjoyable of all is the reinvention of cowboy trash talk. Consider this crooked game of poker, in which the hero and villain antagonize each other to no end (NOTE: certain italicized words have been altered to maintain a G Rating):

Villain: “I’ll paint these walls with your blood, your brains, and your bells.”

Hero: “Are you all talk, or do you have enough ants in your pants to back it up?”

Villain’s helper (clearly not helping): “I guess there’s something wild in this card game after all!”

Me (wrapping up this review): “The End.”

For more cowboy action adventure, check out:

The Far Country
Jimmy Stewart vs. a Surprise Villain during the Klondike Gold Rush!