One Million B.C. — historically accurate movie review!!

December 30, 2011

Since we are always approaching a new year, it’s never too early to start one of those retrospectives that looks back through time.  In this case we will take a look back at One Million B.C.  It’s a movie starring famous celebrity Raquel Welch and some other fine cave people living among a variety of dinosaurs…  and also one super-humongous iguana.

It’s filmed like a real documentary.  As you’d expect from cavemen, we get lots of expressive grunting and bloodcurdling AAAAAHHHHS!!!  But there is also a love story.  Raquel Welch is from the blonde-haired tribe, where they do arts and crafts.  Needless to say, she falls for a caveman from the much tougher brunette tribe.  And wow are they tough!  A simple fight over scraps of dino-chicken can easily escalate to epic proportions.

Naturally, the narrator is the only one who speaks English (or Spanish, depending on which dubbed version you are watching).  But he doesn’t last throughout the whole movie.  Quite suddenly he disappears, mysteriously, after only about ten minutes into the movie.  We can only speculate his disappearance must have something to do with plot we are dealing with:  Cavemen.  Dinosaurs.  AAAAAHHHH!!!

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Aztec Rex – A Dino-mite Movie Review!

May 13, 2008

Aztec Rex Aztec Rex, scientifically known as Tyrannosaurus Azteca, lives in an uncharted region of Mexico. He—and his identical female counterpart—are worshiped by the local Aztec Kingdom. Worship consists of placing a human heart on a miniature pyramid and then waiting for Rex to come along and eat it.

Apparently, the Aztecs were running low on human hearts. Their entire kingdom dwindled to a mere handful of Aztecs. So it was a good thing some conquistadores came along when they did. Rex was getting hungry.

The conquistadores are lead by none other than Hernan Cortes, the Spaniard famous for squashing the Aztec Empire. This movie chronicles his first unsuccessful attempt.

You see, right away he and his six men are captured. The Aztecs waste no time humiliating the prisoners, forcing them to squat in a holding pen made of fine straw and towering approximately one foot high.

Cortes in the Holding Pen
If they want their freedom, they’ll have to fight for it.  We get cannonballs, arrows, gunfire, stick fights, and teeth-gnashing dino-gore somewhat reminiscent of the blockbuster series Jurassic Park. Plus…during the action we even get a wedding followed by a quick honeymoon!

But be warned, a honeymoon Aztec Rex is most certainly not.

Other Prehistoric Favorites:

10,000 B.C.
Adventure, history, magic!

Sabretooth
Sawyer from Lost vs. Prehistoric Beast!!

Warbirds
Female Fighter Pilots in World War II battle pterodactyls!

The Water Horse: Legend of the Deep
Boy becomes father to a baby Loch Ness!

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