Aztec Rex – A Dino-mite Movie Review!
Aztec Rex, scientifically known as Tyrannosaurus Azteca, lives in an uncharted region of Mexico. He—and his identical female counterpart—are worshiped by the local Aztec Kingdom. Worship consists of placing a human heart on a miniature pyramid and then waiting for Rex to come along and eat it.
But apparently the Aztecs were running low on human hearts. Their entire kingdom has dwindled to a mere handful of Aztecs. So it was a good thing some conquistadors came along when they did. Rex was getting hungry.
The conquistadors are lead by none other than Hernan Cortes, the Spaniard famous for squashing the Aztec Empire. This movie chronicles his first unsuccessful attempt. (NOTE: Fans of Beverly Hills 90210 will recognize backstabbing shape-shifter Steve Sanders as Cortes!)
He and his six men are soon captured. The Aztecs waste no time humiliating their prisoners, making them squat in a holding pen made of fine straw and towering approximately one foot high.
If they want their freedom, they must do battle with Tyrannosaurus Rex.
What follows is one very lengthy battle of multiple skirmishes. We get cannonballs, arrows, gunfire. Lots of blood…a conquistador gets his leg bitten off while he’s asleep! And then there are duels between squabbling humans. Plus…during the action we get a wedding followed by a quick honeymoon!
But be warned, a honeymoon Aztec Rex is most certainly not.
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Sawyer from Lost vs. Prehistoric Beast!!
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May 14, 2008 at 3:18 pm
Awesome review! You got me to laugh and those are great illustrations, too! That’s hilarious about the Spanish being forced to squat in straw.
And I got to thinking.. will there be a sequel? Maybe something about how generations later the people of that “Hidden Valley” went on, not to make ranch dressing but to form a narco-terrorist group along the lines of the Shining Path?
I’d definitely be reviewing THAT over at Happy Horror! lol
May 15, 2008 at 1:08 pm
Aztec 2: Hidden Valley … that title alone will guarantee an instant cult following! Throw in some dino-riding narco-terrorists, and that’d be like having icing on the alter, er, I mean, cake!
The Shining Path … *looking up in Wikipedia* … otherwise known as Sendero Luminoso … yikes! Something like that would be so perfect for a gritty sequel!
May 20, 2008 at 10:48 am
Wouldn’t it? All kinds of coked up jungle warriors with machine guns.. they say in Hollywood ya gotta have a real easy pitch.. think: “Rambo meets Jurrassic Park”
haha
Oh MAN I’m upset I didn’t get in there in time to review Never Cry Werewolf.. then we could’ve had twin reviews n stuff.. lol
@Totally, GlowStormLion! Evil Twin Reviews! Or at best, sketchy twin reviews!
–Rey