Ghost Voyage (a disturbing review)

Nine strangers wake up on a ghost ship … a dirty, industrial-looking ghost ship with freaky wooden crates that wobble and blow steam if you get too close to them. Freaky.

The strangers have no clue what’s going on. So it’s helpful that the ghost ship has a captain to lay down a few rules. You might recognize the captain as Shang Tsung, the generously sadistic host of Mortal Kombat the Movie.

Rule # 1: No smoking. This will lead to INSTANT FATALITY.

Rule # 2: No fooling around in the captain’s quarters, even if the room is decked out with all the fixings of a sleazy motel. Don’t do it. Shang Tsung hates a messy bed.

Rule # 3: No breaching locked doors. Doing so is simply rude.

Even if you think about breaking the rules, ghosts will come out and start picking on you. They’ll blast you with smoke skulls … they’ll trap you in an even ghostlier mirror-world … and they’ll whip you with ghostly tentacles of unholy gasoline hellfire. (We even get some glow-in-the-dark sea creature-people.)

This trend continues until the end. That’s when we get hit with some morals and values and a love story. I think our main hero sums it up best when he reads a quote from the eerily dead author John Steinbeck:

“Man sets his own trap, baits it, and then steps in it.” –John Steinbeck

And after seeing Ghost Voyage, I sure feel like I stepped in it big time!