Alone in the Dark

A team of Secret Special Soldiers go exploring an old abandoned goldmine. They are all wearing standard issue paintball uniforms, which come with black short-sleeved t-shirts, elbow pads, and teensy-tiny helmets. Yes, they are well prepared against bloodthirsty monsters from an alternate dimension.

The team comes to a dead-end, and one of them shouts, “Dead-end! Let’s investigate!”

If you like dead-ends, this movie is chock full of ‘em! Actor Christian Slater is in this, and he loves dead-ends! Whether it’s his relationships, his job, or even his quest to save the world. One thing never leads to another!

What to expect with Alone in the Dark:

1) An ancient puzzle of gold, the pieces of which are scattered throughout the globe . . . and nobody bothers putting it together—ever!

2) A golden box, lost at sea for thousands of years. What’s inside? No clue! A guy who pulls it up onto his boat keeps reminding us, “This thing is solid gold!” Two scenes later: “Even the handles are solid gold!” And then, after opening it, just about everyone on his ship dies a bloody death. From what? No clue!

3) A couple of suspenseful scenes with Christian Slater, alone with his girlfriend, hunted by something lurking in the dark. Creatures materialize out of thin air and become the special effects highlight of the movie.

4) A depressing finale. It’s like turning over pebbles in a dead-end cave only to have it collapse on your head, leaving you with one massive logic-defying headache. The end.

Want more monsters with a shockingly powerful ending? Check out:

The Mist
Stephen King and director Frank Darabont want us to bite the big one!