Stardust

The portal to another world—a world of magic and high adventure—is deceptively un-magical in Stardust. No fancy lights. No bells or whistles. It’s merely a crack in a wall leading to an ordinary-looking field on the other side. But an old guard stands by, determined not to let anybody through. His belief alone makes the wall uniquely magical . . . without the aid of any special effects.

That’s the charm of Stardust. Belief in the extraordinary. While the special effects are seamless and fun to look at, it’s what the characters believe that makes the whole movie worthwhile. Expect the unexpected. Tough guy Robert DeNiro is not your average ruthless pirate. Witches, fallen stars, princes and more, they all have their own agendas, hopes and dreams. And it’s fun to see how they all tie together as the story moves along.

Other pluses:

1) Great cinematography with clear, interesting shots.

2) Wicked cool sword fight at the end, unlike anything I’ve seen before.

3) Michelle Pfeifer makes a great villain, still has the commanding presence she had in Batman Returns.

4) Humorous commentary from ghosts, subtly done, and not at all annoying.

5) For the most part, Stardust easy to follow, without requiring viewers to read the book (sometimes the Harry Potter movies seem choppy, needing the books to fill in gaps).

Minuses:

1) The movie starts off with a letter to some well-respected Englishman concerning the portal to another world. I’m not sure who that Englishman is. I might have to re-read Neil Gaiman’s book to figure that one out.

2) The song for the final credits seems a bit out of place. The lyrics were spot-on, but somehow the odd singing voice startled me from the spell cast by the movie. Oh well, that’s just me I guess. It shouldn’t be any problem for enjoying the wonderment of Stardust.

Top Chef Scandal

Imagine you’re in a cooking competition. The challenge: You have to bake a cake. But there’s just one little snag: The judges forgot to give you an oven! Without an oven, you can’t bake your cake. And because of this, you are automatically disqualified.

This is sort of what happened on Top Chef (which I happen to notice accidentally, being not a regular viewer). It was a holiday episode. By chance, contestants got their key ingredients by opening gifts. One lady received a can of truffles. With it she had to make a holiday dish. But as soon as the contest began, she realized: No can opener!

Everybody else had easy-to-open ingredients, cheeses and meats and such. She was the only one who had to waste time banging a can with her knife. As a result, she didn’t have enough time to finish her dish and was therefore disqualified.

Great drama, if this were fiction. Like a Karate Kid type movie. The underdog rises to a challenge against all odds.

But as a real-life competition, I expected more. To me, it looks like the Top Chef producers simply got lazy. They didn’t think through the competition. For that, I feel cheated. So cheated, in fact, that I am not going to finish reviewing their show.

Snowglobe

A Cuban/African/Italian/American family settles down to a Christmas dinner. That’s what drew me into this holiday movie. It was different, especially since I don’t know any Cuban/African/Italian/American families who have Christmas dinner. But what made me stick around for the next couple hours (plodding through commercials) is the element of fantasy. Magic!

If you haven’t guessed already, the movie’s title of Snowglobe refers to a magical snowglobe. A young lady, twenty-something, gets the globe as an early Christmas present. Soon she is transported to a quaint Christmassy village inside the snowglobe. People live there, friendly yet gullible. All they know comes from their fake, little village. Snow and shovels, ice skating, generic Christmas presents, and a holiday goose for dinner. That’s it. But suppose one of these snowglobians cross over into our world?

One guy makes the crossover. For this part of the movie, I kept envisioning Will Ferrell in that Elf movie. Similar humor.

Overall, Snowglobe reminds me of a high-quality cardboard puppet show. The characters are kind of thin. What does the main lady with the snowglobe want for Christmas? A boyfriend! But on the bright side, the acting and production values are smooth. Very smooth. Sort of like cardboard cutouts with lots of glossy stickers.

I give Snowglobe two thumbs enthusiastically halfway up!! Oh, wait, I don’t give ratings like that. Enjoy this enjoyable movie.

Dark Breed

A movie I saw on the Sci-Fi channel. Yet another rendition of Invasion of the Body Snatchers, only this one has good body snatchers who fight the bad ones . . . the ones called “Dark Breed.” A promising concept done in a charming low-budget style (well, that’s all they could hope for, right?).

What would a truth trailer reveal for this movie?

1) A blow-up car chase.

2) Actors you vaguely remember from the covers of movies you’ve never bothered renting from your local video store.

3) While resting in some big rig truck, our hero has an intense Vietnam War flashback. He’s breathing heavy. Hot breath on the passenger window, the glass fogging up. Each time we clip back to our hero’s clueless, flashbacking face, that passenger window gets more and more fogged by his hot, steamy breath. Pretty soon you can’t see his face anymore—it’s all a blur! And then—just when you thought it couldn’t get anymore intense—somebody knocks on the window. It’s a raggedy old man, begging for spare change and claiming to be a Vietnam Vet, 32nd Division. Our hero gives the old beggar some money and then, with a sigh and lighter of heart, our hero resumes resting in the big rig . . . (I don’t know how you would categorize such a pointless scene, but it’s a first in film history!!!)

4) Next we see our hero’s love interest. One moment she’s an attractive blonde human lady. The next moment she’s an attractive blonde human lady wearing . . . wait for it . . . REPTILIAN CONTACTS! This is a clue that she has been body-snatched. For my truth trailer, I think I’ll describe the scene in the diner. She’s in her creepy alien form (although the waitress doesn’t seem to notice) and she’s ordering a meal that closely resembles the food from her alien home world—pizza! Spoiling the illusion only slightly, the contact in her right eye is slowly sliding out of place!

Anyway, I don’t remember much else (kept flipping channels). But this should be sufficient insight for anyone hardcore enough to watch the whole thing.

The Big Sleep

“Pretty good for an old-timey movie.” That’s how my brother described it. He saw it for a film studies class, and he probably wouldn’t have seen it otherwise. It’s old, filmed in the 1940’s, based on a novel from the 1930’s, and that alone makes it sound out-of-touch with today’s expectations. But right off the bat, The Big Sleep has one good thing going for it: a timeless sense of humor. That is, it doesn’t take itself too seriously.

The main character Detective Marlowe (played by Humphrey Bogart) is clearly in-over-his-head. Throughout The Big Sleep, there’s a running theme of knights, how they are weary and old-fashioned, struggling in an increasingly ruthless world. Detective Marlowe is that knight (which reminds me of how George Lucas described Indiana Jones as a knight in a leather jacket). People are always pulling a gun on Marlowe, double-crossing him to the point where he can hardly believe it anymore—again?! But he does get his own sort of payback on these double-crossers in a humorous scene near the end. I won’t spoil it! I still haven’t seen the movie myself, you know, even though it sounds pretty good . . . .

Surf’s Up

A perfect example of false advertising. The preview for Surf’s Up made me think, “This looks like another Happy Feet.” But it looked even more family-oriented . . . for families with two and four year olds. I can only imagine these families expecting a delightfully non-offensive cartoon with lots of colors and mildly amusing humor. What they got instead was a “mock documentary” (more commonly known as a “mockumentary”). Surf’s Up follows the story of a penguin that enters a surfing competition. Along the way, there are interviews with the penguin’s family, friends, and competitors, and even fans of the sport who say the strangest things. In true documentary style, the camera moves realistically, making every scene feel fresh and unplanned. Yet the computer animation is very polished!

Surf’s Up could easily be a live action movie, with real people on location in Hawaii or something, aimed at audiences aged 15 to 25 who happen to love surfing. The animation definitely reaches out to a larger audience. Quirky-looking characters. Vivid, awe-inspiring waves. That’s enough to get me hooked, and I’ve never surfed in my life!

What about the story? Its morals are similar to Pixar’s Cars. Winning isn’t everything, you know. But while Cars almost made me want to dab my eyes with a Kleenex, Surf’s Up left my manliness securely intact. The characters don’t dwell on their emotions. The high-seas action sweeps them away, helping them reach their potential without shedding a tear.

[End of the review? Not quite. There's one scene in Surf's Up that puzzled me, a scene that is unexpected . . . weird . . . gross . . . and it involves medicine and bodily fluids. Does it have any medical merit? Don't know. It certainly is an odd choice for a family movie. You have been forewarned!]